we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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