I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
