another moral hangover. fuck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
