Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just had sex on a roof
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
