Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
