i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
