Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
