I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
