I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
