he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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