I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
