1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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