The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
