trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
