I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
