If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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