Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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