Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
