You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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