Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
