go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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