my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My balls are so social today.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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