Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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