so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
