Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
