If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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