my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
