Did you just see the Batmobile???
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
