It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
