Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
