Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
