I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
