someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize