So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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