Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
