Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
