Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
