Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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