Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
