he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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