i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
