well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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