i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
