sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
