my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dick very happy bro
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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