There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
