I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
