i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
