A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
