ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
