Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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