i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
