omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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