Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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