Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
