i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
