Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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