Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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