Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize