made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
