WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize