i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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