Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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