and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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